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Enhance your Communication with Mother

08 Oct

Each minute of our life is a lesson but most of us fail to read it. I thought I would just add my daily lessons & the lessons that I learned by seeing the people around here. So it may be useful for you and as memories for me…….

The article was written by Sravanthi…
It is Dedicated to every Daughter of a mom — Mothers of babies, mothers of grown children, mothers who lost their babies before they were born, mothers who are yet to be, single mothers, married mothers. Enjoy the precious gift.

I am writing this article with the experiences of me, experiences of people around me & content that is collected across the globe.

Like all the Daughters, I love my mom very much, but I failed to express it. Due to small misunderstandings, arguments to some extent I missed my mom’s love. After self realization I got back to mom with love for love.

Mother-daughter relationships are complex and diverse.There also are ups and downs, no matter how positive (or prickly) the relationship

Whatever your relationship with your mother or daughter, you can always make improvements. Here’s how to enhance your communication and connection and cut down on clashes.

Don’t wait to make first Move:

Don’t wait for the other person to make the first move. Doing so inevitably leaves relationships stuck. “Think about how you feel in the relationship and what you can do to change.”

Communicate.

Lack of communication is a common challenge with moms and daughters. “In some ways they can be so close or feel so close that they believe that each of them should know how the other one feels,” . “What happens as a result is they don’t communicate.” Or they communicate harshly, in ways they’d never “dare speak to everyone else,” which causes hurt feelings that “don’t go away so easily,” .Instead of harshly dismissing your mom (or ignoring her calls), communicate what works best, such as: “If you want to talk on the phone, the best time is in the morning. But if you want to reach me during the day [with something] more urgent, just text me.” 

Change yourself.

Many think that the only way to improve a relationship is for the other person to change their ways. But you aren’t chained to their actions; you can change your own reactions and responses. Interestingly, this can still alter your relationship. Think of it as a dance, . When one person changes their steps, the dance inevitably changes.

Be an active listener.

Active listening is “reflecting back what the other person is saying,” instead of assuming you already know, . When you reflect back what your mom or daughter is saying, you’re telling her that she’s being heard and that you understand.

Also, listen “to the feelings underlying the message,” which is often the real message, . If “mom says, ‘you’re acting like a doormat,’ the daughter hears that as being horribly critical [and that she’s not good enough], but what the mom is really saying is, ‘I feel so protective of you because you’re not protecting yourself.’”

Repair damage quickly.

“One of the key principles in sustaining healthy and satisfying marriages is to repair damage quickly,” . Healthy couples don’t avoid conflict. They realize conflict is inevitable and they deal with it head on. This applies to mother and daughter relationships, too.

Not resolving conflict can have surprising consequences. “If you don’t deal with your mom by resolving conflict, you’re going to carry those same patterns into your future relationships,” whether that’s with your friends, partner or boss, .

Learn to forgive.

Forgiveness is “an individual act. It differs from reconciliation, which takes both people and isn’t always possible. Forgiving someone isn’t saying that what happened is OK. It’s not condoning, pardoning or minimizing the impact.

“I suggest all daughters you have to forgive your mom in order to be healthy.” “The power of forgiveness is really for the person who forgives.”

“The better you can forgive, the better you can repair damage quickly,”

Don’t bring in third parties.

It’s common for mothers and daughters to bring someone else into their conflict. A daughter might involve dad because mom is driving her crazy. Mom might involve another child because she feels like she can’t talk to her daughter. Either way, talk directly to the person.

Finally, ask yourself if you’re OK with your relationship and your actions.

Have realistic expectations.

Both moms and daughters often have idealistic expectations about their relationship. For instance, kids commonly think their mom will be nurturing and present — always. This idea can develop from an early age. When her kids were young, I found myself setting up this unrealistic belief during their nightly reading time.

Stick to the present.

Moms and daughters tend to have “an old argument that runs like a broken record in the background,” . It becomes their default disagreement. Instead, avoid “bring[ing] up old gripes from the past,” and try to focus on the present.

Balance individuality and closeness.

It can be challenging for daughters to build their own identities. Sometimes daughters think that in order to become their own person, they must cut off from their moms, . Or, quite the opposite, they’re so fused that they’re unable to make decisions without her input, . Both are clearly problematic.

But daughters can find their voices and identities within the relationship. We learn how to deal with conflict and negative emotions through our families, . “You don’t grow and develop and become your own person void of relationships.”

Put yourself in her shoes.

If you’re a daughter, think of your mom as a woman with her “own wounds and hurts,” who was born and raised in a different generation with different values and difficult family relationships and issues.

If mom really wants to hang out, instead of saying “Stop asking me, you know I’m busy,” say, “I know how much you want to meet with me, and I wish I could but I can’t do it this week; can we do it next week?”

A small piece of advice my dear friends, fall back to your parents for anything and everything. I am sure that will make our lives better. Our parents may not understand all our feelings, emotions and thoughts immediately. They may not be so educated, talented & advanced,  however I am sure they will make an honest attempt to understand us at any case. And, that attempt would always make the result fruitful. It is because they deny something or go against some of our decisions it does not mean they will do it always. They always understand and all ears to us with an unlimited unconditional eternal love. Please understand your parents & respect the love, hope, dreams & the faith that they kept on you…..

Please feel free to share your story and any lessons you learned, you experienced , you came across in your life in the comments below.

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1 Comment

Posted by on October 8, 2012 in Family & Relationship

 

One response to “Enhance your Communication with Mother

  1. munnaprawin

    November 3, 2012 at 3:13 am

    Sravanthi we all miss you. It was article published on behalf of you, just few hours before you left this world. Your mom & sister are still alive just because of your memories.Rest in Peace my dear Sravanthi.

     

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